Tee's Blog

The Adventures of an American in Belfast

Dear:

Nigella Lawson: If you haven’t already left? Leave. Pack a bag and get out. He’ll only get worse. Protect yourself. If he does that in public, was does he already do in private? Please. Get out.

Christina Odone: Just shut the fuck up. I am ashamed that we are both women. Any woman who sits there and tells another woman who has been attacked in public to make up and eat a fucking mars bar is not a woman I want to share the title with. Ever. You are stupid. And so is your article on the matter. To which I shall not link because I don’t want to give you any hits.

Every Other Person Who Is Victim Blaming Anyone: Shut up.

 

An American President In Belfast

So this week, as you’ll know unless you’ve been living under a rock, is G8. When the 8 big leaders come together.

This year they come together in Northern Ireland, at Lough Erne in Enniskillen.

And to kick it off, President Obama gave a speech here in Belfast today.

I could go into a massive rant here about what that did to the city but it did what it does to any city he visits. It shut us down.

Still. It was nice to have him.

And his speech?

He rocked the Waterfront Hall.

Not just because he said ‘What’s the craic’ to 1,800 school children, making them cheer. He’s always been very with it, what with fist bumping Mrs O all the time and such.

But because he made the speech that only he could ever make.

He, not only as The President of the United States, but as the first black President of the United States.

A speech about acceptance and unity and ending conflict.

A speech about America’s past and Northern Ireland’s future.

All we can hope is that the people in the audience who still have open minds about this, the ones in school uniforms, were listening and listening well. Based on this BBC piece, they were.

This is a good thing. Because at this point? Their elders have stopped.

 

Letter to my Son – Adam – Four Years Old*

Dear Adam

Four. Years. Old.

Holy. Cow.

Where is the time going? Just yesterday you needed me all the time. To eat, to dress, to sleep.

Now, every day, you need me a little less.

Oh you still need me. For one thing, you are not getting the potty very well yet. So you need a lot of cleaning.

And you can’t exactly cook. But you certainly feed yourself.

And you’re starting school. In preschool right now, but gearing up for P1 in September. And you are rapidly learning your numbers and letters.

We had your ‘meet and greet our new friends and teacher’ day at school last week. You headed right in without a backwards glance. Not even a wave.

I expect you’ll do the same in September.

There have been some issues with you and social interaction and communication. The word autism has been used. But we have decided to not get your diagnosed yet. You are being assessed for extra help in the classroom, which hopefully you’ll get.

You have two best friends at school now, who you do everything with, L and C. They will both be in P1 with you, so that’ll be fun!

Your very first birthday party was this past Saturday. It was so much fun watching you with your friends in our back garden. Maybe we’ll do it again next year.

Keep growing my son.

Love

Mummy

*I did say there would be an occasional personal post. :D

Lowest Common Denominator Rule and School

Catchy title, huh? Thought it up all by myself.

What does it mean?

It means I’m tired of all children being taught things in the same way. I’m tired of ‘But if school doesn’t teach X, who will? The parents don’t.’

This is coming off the back of the announcement about:

“an amendment to the Children and Families Bill currently before parliament has been tabled, which would:

” 1. Add PSHE to National Curriculum;

2. Make age appropriate SRE a statutory component of this curriculum at all 4 Key Stages;

3. Specify that same-sex relationships, sexual violence, domestic violence and sexual consent be part of the curriculum on PSHE”*

What’s my objection? I don’t think this is the job of the government or the schools. I think saying it’s the job of the government or the schools because ‘some’ parents may not do the education is, as my title says, lowest common denominator rule and school.

Why are we running our countries and our educational systems based on what the worst of the populace does? Why are we subjecting pupils who are taught this at home to the same classes as those who aren’t taught it at home?

Why? Because we, as a race of humans, seem to spend our entire lives doing our best not to offend other members of the race of humans. So it’s not possible, for that reason, to send a questionnaire home saying something like ‘Are you teaching your kids about sex and relationships?’ and then taking those kids whose parents say ‘oh hell no, they’re too young/silly/whatever’ into a class and teaching them and only them.

Granted, some parents will lie. But you know what? That’s their right.

You know what else? Who decides? Who decides what they should teach about relationships in the classroom?

I live in Northern Ireland, this isn’t a secret. Do you mean to tell me that the Catholic schools here are going to teach about same sex relationships? Sex before marriage? Any of the stuff listed above?

Of course they aren’t. They’ll object, and rightly so, on grounds that it is against the doctrine of their faith. And they are faith based schools.

What about the faith based schools in England, Scotland and Wales? Are they going to be forced to teach things against their doctrine as well?

So what’s the answer?

There isn’t one.

There is no way to teach all kids all things in the same way. It’s just not possible.

My son has some level of special need, still to be diagnosed and defined. But he gets special help in the classroom and, hopefully, will continue to do so as he goes through school.

Do I expect the entire class to be taught at his level? Of course not. That would be fucking stupid.

So why is this any different? I will teach my son about sex and relationships and two mummies and two daddies and single parents and divorce and all of those things. It is my job.

And if some parents aren’t teaching their kids this? That’s not my problem.

*Quoted from Mumsnet Guest Blog Thread

Seriously? These Are The Women You Chose?

Like so many others I know, I’m a bit addicted to The Apprentice. I didn’t start watching it until a series or two ago but now it’s definitely a favourite.

But, I have to say, it pisses me off.

I have spent my entire adult life working with business people, the last 10 years of that, before I launched Designed To A Tee, focussed on entrepreneurs. Supporting them, helping find them, matching them up to funding.

And if even one of them had acted like these idiots on this show? They would have been laughed at.

But forget them in general and let’s look at the women in specific.

Because they are an embarrassment. To professional women. To entrepreneurs. To people.

Most of them with out of control hair, stabbing each other in the back, enough make-up to stock Boots 100 times over and, most importantly, not an ounce of business sense between them.

And after Rebecca Slater’s firing last night? It’s obvious that that’s what Lord Sugar and his co-horts want.

She wasn’t fired because she cost the team the task. Without her, they really would have lost the task.

She was fired because she was dignified, professional and presented herself well.

In other words, boring TV.

So it beggars the question: are you really looking for a business partner Lord Sugar? Or are you looking for a male business partner?

Because with Rebecca gone? The only contenders left are male.

I am the last person to yell “sexism”. If the right person for the job is male? Go for it, hire a man.

But if they only people available for the job who might be able to do the job are male because the women are unprofessional, screaming harpies? Then the deck is stacked.

And I think this deck is stacked.

Stacked so that the winner will be male. Because they haven’t selected any competent women. Well, they did. But then they fired her.

So, what’s the deal, Lord Sugar? Do you want a business partner?

Or do you want a TV show?

Because it would appear you can’t have both.

Before I Kick Off The New Form Tee’s Blog

Let’s get a few things straight. Then you can see if you still want to be reading or if you want to run for the hills. Or maybe if you want to recommend it to your friends.

I am an American. That’s never been a secret.

I am not a Democrat. I am not a Republican. I am registered as Independent.

Why?

Because there are some things the D’s do that I like and some that I hate. There are some things the R’s do that I like and some that I despise.

I am, in reality, an anarchist at heart. I don’t actually think any government is necessary but am happy to accept whatever rules the rest of you think are necessary to keep yourselves happy. If I find I want to do something that’s against your rules? I might do it anyway and take the punishment, if any, except that I follow the 11th Commandment: Thou Shall Not Get Caught.

Anyone who has read Robert A Heinlein will know where I learned most of my beliefs. Go read Moon Is A Harsh Mistress if you want a fairly good explanation of Rational Anarchism.

Be that as it may, I do also recognize that there are over 7 billion people on this planet and therefore some rules for happy living are necessary.

However, I do not believe that any government anywhere has the right, in no particular order, to: -

  1. Tell me how to use my uterus
  2. Tell me how to raise my son, other than, of course, to treat him well which, of course, I do
  3. Tell me who to love
  4. Tell me who I can marry
  5. Tell me what I can say
  6. Tell what I can write
  7. Tell me what I can view on the internet or read in a book

Or, in a nutshell, I am a pro-choice, anti-censorship, and pro-free speech feminist.

But I am not a radical feminist. I believe in the original basis for feminism, which was choices. You want to work and have children? Go for it. You want to be subservient to a man (or a woman)? Go for it. Find what works for you and your family and be happy in it. And fuck what anyone else thinks about it.

I am also a believer in God. Oh, maybe not your god. Definitely not a Christian or a Jewish or a Muslim or any other recognized religion’s god. But I believe there is a higher power out there. Otherwise what are we doing here, apparently alone in the universe, on this big rock, if not some being’s play thing?

On the other hand, I will also be very surprised if we find definite, indisputable proof that we are alone in this universe. This whole universe, just for us? Pure arrogance to think so. I think they are watching us (and, no, I don’t need a tin foil hat, keep reading) but realize we aren’t ready for them yet. I don’t think they kidnap people for anal probes or other bullshit. But I think they are keeping an eye. We are, after all, in the scheme of the age of the universe, very small children.

And I think they’ll make themselves known when they think we are ready. I think we’re ready now and could use the help, but, as much as I hate to admit this, I’m not actually in charge of the universe so will just have to wait and see like everyone else.

I am, also, an artist. I don’t draw or paint any more, due to bad hands, but I still create. I just created art, as a matter of fact, and submitted it to a contest, using my mouse and my keyboard and Adobe CS5. I’ll post a link when it goes up. I’m fairly proud of what I’ve done.

I think that’s pretty much it. I’m happy to answer any questions in the comments or at Twitter or on my Facebook or in email.

Or you know, if you don’t like what you’re reading? Bye!

Changes…

So you may have noticed that the last few posts have had very little to do with me and my family and my health and more about the wider world.

Honestly? I was boring myself. How many times can you write about how ill you are? I’m also becoming very aware that Adam is becoming his own person and has an inherent right to privacy, even though I honestly believe most privacy is gone.

So I’m changing the focus of the blog.

I’m going to start leaning more towards the political and social rather than the personal.

Of course there will still be personal posts.

But posts will be further apart (as they have been) and be of a more political slant.

I hope you’ll stick around anyway and see what I have to say.

It could be interesting.

Connection…

Nearly every day as I am walking back from leaving Adam at his school, I pass a young lady heading to the college that’s just past it.

The first time I passed her, I admired her head-scarf, in my mind, which was just beautiful. I realized I was staring as she came towards me as she glared, I’m sure expecting censure, obviously not being Christian and proud of it in this oh so Christian country. We both had headsets in so I didn’t speak, but I smiled at her and probably blushed a bit for being caught staring. She smiled back and visibly relaxed.

Every time I see her now we smile at each other. And mouth ‘good morning’, since we both are still listening to music.

I hope some day to see her around our little part of Belfast when she isn’t in a hurry to get to school and I’m not already thinking of what I have to do for the rest of the day. Because I want to say “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable that first time. I really was just admiring your gorgeous head-scarf. All of your head-scarves are gorgeous, actually.”

So before you get your back up by someone staring at you, try smiling. And if something attracts your attention on someone, smile.

Make a connection.

Be Better Than That

So there’s been a lot of talk, all over the place, about what Mike Jeffries, the CEO of Abercrombie and Fitch said about not liking or selling to fat and unattractive people.

Which makes him an ass and probably sexist and definitely not someone I would want to have a coffee with.

However, that does not give everyone else the right to make fun of the way he looks.

Yes, he is not an average looking person, it’s true. He’s either had an accident or some sort of condition that has damaged his face. Or perhaps not and he’s was just born that way. I have no idea and I don’t really care.

But calling him a freak or Frankenstein’s Monster is stooping to his level.

Be better than that.